I posted this to my China group needing advice. I'm posting it here hoping my readers may have some advice:
I thought I was prepared but I was not. My MIL told me today that Ethan was rubbing his little hand Fri and said "I wonder when my hand is going to grow out of this thing?". We sat him down tonight and explained that he wouldn't grow a hand. We told him how special he is and he can do anything he wants to and we all love him and his hand very much. It just broke my heart.
After our talk he went to brush his teeth and I heard him crying. We went in there and he was crying because he was never going to grow a hand. He wants one to grow because everyone else has two hands.
I am at a loss of how to help him. I told him it is OK to be sad that he doesn't have a hand but it is killing me to see him so upset. What do I do? How do I help him?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Broken Heart
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7 comments:
Oh!!! That is a heart wrencher! I think by talking to him and helping him grow a positive self esteem is the best. You are giving him the tools to deal things that may come. This does not compare but when my late daughter started to have her brain surgeries..they shaved part of her head. She went to school in the end without a hat. She was fine and handled the questions and kids. We worked iwth her and helped her to be able to respond. We told her she was fine just the way she was..and I believe in my heart she knew that in her heart. You little guy will know that to..it hurts to see your kids hurt..I know that first hand. But you are doing a great job!!!
That just breaks my heart...so, so sad for him to have to go through this. I can not even begin to imagine the hurt you must feel. Ethan is such a wonderful little boy and I am so sorry he is hurting. I will keep him and ya'll in my prayers. We are always here if you ever need anything.
I read this on MCAF. Leah...I agree w/what someone else said when you wrote/posted about friend's daughter who was scared of the situation. I can understand that it shook you up. I, too, think Ethan is going to have to see positive role models with the same limb difference. Prayer. You bet. Speaking positive words over him. Yup, but I think I would join the yahoo group for this type SN and get BTDT advice. I know w/Emily being older, it was the Adopt Older Kids - China group that was THE MOST helpful w/my questions. Why? B/c they've done it all already. They knew this and that...yadda, yadda. Folks on a yahoo group will be the same w/you and your question(s). One thing I've learned from this whole int'l adoption experience -- there are no pat answers. Those who know exactly what you are experiencing and what you can do practically are so helpful. They might just be the answer to some of your prayers. I'd personally join asap and put my heart out there on a posting. I do still think the whole positive role model/kid/teen with this SN will really help Ethan see himself in a good light. Oh my. JUST thought of something: The head of Marathon Makeover, Mark, has one arm. He lost it due to an infection after breaking it...when he was a child. He's a counselor of some type (maybe at CUMC at one time?) and is SOOOOO inspiring. OMG. Can't think of his last night this second. You could Google Marathon Makeover Mississippi and get his email address. Wow. He's phenomenal w/his advice, humor,...and is a Christian.
Ok. That's my .02 worth. I do know this: What God's called us to do, He's equipped us to do. You've been called to parent Ethan, and He will give you the wisdom to know what avenues to follow. I have confidence in you and your hubby to be just what Ethan needs.
Hugs to ya.
Vicki
http://waiting4emily.blogspot.com/
Oh Leigh!! I couldn't read without posting. I have no idea on how to help you. Just wanted to give you a bunch of hugs!!! He is so darn cute just the way he is!
Hugs to you and ALL your beautiful kiddos :)
Casie
Ethan is absolutely beautiful. It sounds like you are doing all the right things by being loving parents. I found this website that has great resources: http://limbdifferences.org . It has discussion boards and great links to resources. My son Nicholas has Poland's Syndrome and as a result has a very noticeable chest wall deformity(missing some ribs and part of his pectoral muscle-concave on left side of chest). He is now 10 and is just now able to take off his shirt on the beach or at the pool. For years, he asked me why God made him that way. He wanted to know why can't we "fix" it? I let my son know that he could do anything that he sets his mind out to do. It takes time. But, with great parents like you, your son will be just fine. He is such a darling!
Blessings,
Jennifer Cheer
http://www.oandp.com/articles/2008-04_12.asp
This is an awesome article. Not sure if this is what you would want? But, interesting.
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